hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
