i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
