Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
where am i from again
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
