Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
