she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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