Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
