i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
