i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
