its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
