Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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