Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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