Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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