Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
