Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
