she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
