I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
