Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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