Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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