When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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