so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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