just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
