i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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