I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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