It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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