dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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