I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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