Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
