fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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