Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
