I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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