Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
