I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
