The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
