i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
