I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
