you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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