i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
