Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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