Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
