I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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