her vagine was all disorganized.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
