I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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