I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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