I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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