you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
