So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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