I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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