i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
