I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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