Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize