I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
