Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
