I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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