Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
