I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
