Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
