so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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