It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
