I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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