So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
