Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
