You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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