we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
