someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
